My Letter to Anxiety

Dear Anxiety, 

You came hard for me. You took my chest and gripped it so tight I struggled to breathe. 

I was hovering over the toilet seat dry heaving. I had ripped all of my clothes off because I felt like I was suffocating. I remember falling into bed and Jason putting on music because I couldn't talk and tell him what was going on, all he could do is wonder what was holding on so tight that I was behaving in such strange ways. 

You tried to strip me of my joy. You tried to strip me of my employment. You tried to strip me of my health. You tried to strip me of my hope. 

I can now see that you were trying to protect me. You were getting my attention because your subtle calls were being ignored and numbed. You had to get louder so that I couldn't ignore you any longer. 

You, anxiety, taught me lessons that still 17 years later are holding me when things get scary or uncertain. 

So, anxiety... thank you. Thank you for stepping in so loudly. Thank you for saving my life and showing me what's most important. 

Now when I feel the familiar tightness in my chest, I know that you are just trying to get my attention to slow down, take a breath, and be where my feet are. 

With compassion and gratitude, 

Elizabeth